I understand that when I leave that glass there, it hurts her- literally causes her pain-because it feels to her like I just said: “Hey. A lesson I learned much too late: Because I love and respect my partner, and it REALLY matters to her. There is only ONE reason I will ever stop leaving that glass by the sink. And it’s hard for me to imagine a scenario in which doing a bunch of work in my yard sounds more appealing than ANY of several thousand less-sucky things which could be done. It’s like asking me to make myself interested in crocheting, or to enjoy yardwork. I will never care about a glass sitting by the sink.I don’t care if a glass is sitting by the sink unless guests are coming over.‘Hey Matt! Why would you leave a glass by the sink instead of putting it in the dishwasher?’ What we are not good at is being psychic, or accurately predicting how our wives might feel about any given thing because male and female emotional responses tend to differ pretty dramatically. Men are perfectly capable of doing a lot of these things our wives complain about. Men design and build skyscrapers, and take hearts and other human organs from dead people and replace the corresponding failing organs inside of living people, and then those people stay alive afterward. Men proved the heliocentric model of the solar system, establishing that the Earth orbits the Sun. Men invented heavy machines that can fly in the air reliably and safely. I wish I could remember what seemed so unreasonable to me about that at the time. She wanted me to figure out all of the things that need done, and devise my own method of task management. She wanted to be my partner, and she wanted me to apply all of my intelligence and learning capabilities to the logistics of managing our lives and household. I always reasoned: “If you just tell me what you want me to do, I’ll gladly do it.”īut she didn’t want to be my mother. It’s why the sexiest thing a man can say to his partner is “I got this,” and then take care of whatever needs taken care of. I appreciated her saying so.īut I remember my wife often saying how exhausting it was for her to have to tell me what to do all the time. Yesterday I responded to a comment by in which she suggested things wives and mothers can do to help men as an olive branch instead of blaming men for every marital breakdown. One thing I know for sure is that I never connected putting a dish in the dishwasher with earning my wife’s respect. It wouldn’t be the first time I acted entitled. Maybe I thought my wife should respect me simply because I exchanged vows with her. Men Are Not Children, Even Though We Behave Like Themįeeling respected by others is important to men.įeeling respected by one’s wife is essential to living a purposeful and meaningful life. The idiom “to cut off your nose to spite your face” was created for such occasions. But even if I had, I fear I wouldn’t have worked as hard to change my behavior as I would have stubbornly tried to get her to see things my way. But it WAS a big deal to her.Įvery time she’d walk into the kitchen and find a drinking glass by the sink, she moved incrementally closer to moving out and ending our marriage. It wasn’t a big deal to me when I was married. Sometimes I leave used drinking glasses by the kitchen sink, just inches away from the dishwasher. This bad thing happened because of this, that, and the other thing. We like to point fingers at other things to explain why something went wrong, like when Biff Tannen crashed George McFly’s car and spilled beer on his clothes, but it was all George’s fault for not telling him the car had a blind spot. It makes her seem ridiculous and makes me seem like a victim of unfair expectations. It seems so unreasonable when you put it that way: My wife left me because sometimes I leave dishes by the sink.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |